Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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