i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
