Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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