For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
