I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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