apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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