Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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