i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
