Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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