The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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