He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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