you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
