I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
