Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
