May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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