I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
