We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
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So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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