OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
