but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
