"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
