dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
