i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
