that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
