just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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