I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Randomize
