So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
