god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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