her vagine was all disorganized.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
