P.S. I can't hear my feet
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
