yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
