you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
