Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
