I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Shame - the story of my life.
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