you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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