I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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