wrigley field is MILF paradise
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
