census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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