I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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