in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We were destined to go to rehab together
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
