She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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