I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
