ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
