There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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