My first STD was from a foam party
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
