i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
