She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
