That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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