dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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