Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
