Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
