dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
