Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
