**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
