1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize