So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
