You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My liver just had a heart attack.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize