WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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