used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
