I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
