Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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