U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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