wanna go halves on a baby?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
