so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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