You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
