Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
