Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
