I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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