some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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