Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
