Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
