the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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