even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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